Time to let go and great expectations: on writing & other things

[aquietjune]

The usual cumulative post about my writing & other random things.

First of all, while I haven't finished the full revision, I'm starting posting my Annie Leonhart-centric fanfic this week. The first chapter is ready, I polished what I could polish, the beta-reading happened... I need to let go of it.

I even posted a snipped from it. (Contains spoilers for the ending of Attack on Titan, I guess.)

Now I'm feeling all so giddy about it, because overall I'm really excited about this story--and I'm excited because it contains things that extremely fun to me; I think about it and I smile to myself, and even chuckle, and everything. Having being able to finish writing the story, even in its half-revised state: this is such a great accomplishment.

As usual, this is the most important thing to remember.

Then I remember that the first chapter is inevitably 12k words long, that it contains a bit of world-building, a certain number of OCs, and very few canon characters outside the protagonist (for now)... oh, don't I know that this will deter some readers from finishing it? Oh well, of course I know.

Yet, I have to consider: what about chapter 2, that contains two chapters of another story inside the main story? and what about chapter 3, that opens with a flow of consciousness?

There's no way I can transform this story into something easily digestible, or to be honest, into something unlike me. I don't even want that.

So be it.

(And I know that my insecurities and my need for approval will play terrible games on my mind in the next few days, weeks, months... that's why I should prepare. Remember that my story has value no matter what. Repeat that over and over. Poor dear me, what a fool, etc. etc.)

For now, so be it.

Speaking of other things, now.

Media

• I'm so very excited for the last episode of Attack on Titan airing on November 4th. If you never started watching it because it wasn't finished, at least now I can say: heh, you have about 2 months to catch up with it--88 episodes? Do it. It's going to be fun.

• Wary but still curious about the new AoT project that will be announced on October 4th. Although... it may just be a re-edition, a silly mobile game, or a spin-off nobody will care about, so... no expectations.

• I've fallen behind with Link Click, My Happy Marriage and Undead Murder Farce lately, mainly because I was traveling. I'm glad I have a lot to catch up with.

• I dreamt the episodes leading to the ending of Monster by Naoki Urusawa... when I haven't watched them yet. Yes, I invented it. It looks like I need to go back to it as well.

• Oh, Dead souls by Gogol was really the perfect (audio)read for this summer. Familiar, yet refreshing, and so, so funny.

Other things

After many years mostly traveling only to go to games, and spending the summer holidays resting at home, I finally made a long-distance and a long-awaited long trip this year, and in a context I never considered feasible for me (group tour with people I never met before).

A few takeaways:

• Yes, I still loathe being the kind of tourist that only does the prescripted touristy things in the shortest amount of time possible in order to take a lot of photos to show once home.
• I really hate having to rush things, in general.
• While my tour itinerary did not include a lot of the things I wanted to do, I found a way to do them anyway and on my terms.
• Even so, I played a relevant role in the group, mainly helping with logistics, leading the group around, and sharing my (very specific and personal) knowledge about the place--yeah, well, no matter how much I try, I can't take my nature out of myself >.>
• (I'm glad that worked out advantegeously for me & others while traveling, and that the group had many other proactive members who shared duties with me.)
• I'm also glad that when I could have been in the worst of the touristy-empty mind, looking at things just for the sake of looking at them, I had people around me telling me interesting and personal facts about what were looking at.
• Most of all, I'm glad I was proven wrong a few times, not wanting to do some touristy thing because void and touristy and then finding out that it was really a marvelous thing that could be enjoyed in a different, personal way.
• Yes, the whole trip was tiring, a lot of walking around, no much time to rest, jet-lag, etc.
• Yes, I had fun and it was a very positive experience overall.

Crafts

• While I was there, I went to the most wonderful fabric & hobby crafts store and I decided that I want to learn to sew and embroider everything.
• For now I'm focusing on learning a bit about sashiko and I'm finding it incredibly fascinating, especially given how much I ignored this type of stitching given how not-great I am at geometric stuff.
• There will be more doll clothes making for me :D evil laughter
• I met a longtime childhood and pen-pal friend while I was at my destination. We haven't seen each other for about 21 years. It was a great, joyful evening.
• I made a small dog felt toy for my friend's toddler in about 2 hours the day of. (Thanks to all the fabric and stuff I got at the fabric stores ofc.) I barely managed to finish it in time, and the greatest joy was to see the toddler getting interested and playing with it the whole evening without getting instructed to do so. There is nothing more rewarding than that, seeing people genuinely enjoy what you made.

Finally, Games

• It looks like the characters I wrote for the Vampires game were fine and that the game succeeded too. I'm glad. Apparently I'm already in the orga group for next year, lol.

• I had the best LARP experience in a while this past weekend, despite being all tired from my trip:

  • I played and old character and that made me appreciate the joy of layering clothes in a bizarre way, not caring about getting nice make up done (but only wrinkle make up) and having kilos of talc all over my head to try make it look like I had white hair.
  • Playing an old character is also great because you can move slowly and always pretend your back aches and have a very characteristic stride and posture.
  • This game was ambitious design-wise, but it also was a small production with a very small cast (20 players). My expectations were low, which meant I could engage with the story sincerely, and that got me very emotional by the end (yes, I cried for the whole last hour of the runtime!)
  • The location was somewhere up in the hills of [redacted] and it was very pretty, especially at night, with a full, clear sky, luminous with all the stars; playing magical, eerie stuff at the same time was a great way to enjoy it.
  • The location was also the dwelling place for a cat colony with the sweetest couple of kittens I've ever seen -- and they let people pet them, as well! Honestly, the one thing I will always appreciate I think is that whenever the kittens were around no matter how in character we were (and we were in character!)... all of us players, young and old, all genders, all preferences... we all melted at their sight. The most precious kittens!

• All in all, I'm very happy for this experience as well, and very grateful to those who made it happen. I'm grateful most of all that one game gave me once again the joy and the enthusiasm of being a LARPer, and the soft knowledge that I can play more games--the ones I choose for myself, the ones that I want to enjoy, without having to hurry and playing a lot of games to get a kick out of them, and instead savouring them slowly and with long breaks between one and the next.

I can't say I'm unhappy at the moment. I guess this is good, heh?

I hope you're having a good time as well.

Thanks for reading, and to the next one.