![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aquietjune) wrote2023-07-08 02:05 pm
2023-07-08: Writing update, and other
The big news is that I reached the end of my story—the fic I have been writing for exactly a year, that is, has its first draft completed, minus for half a scene and a fictional text I can’t bring myself to finish right now.
160k words.
Instead of celebrating, however, I’m thinking of what is next, even though I know it’d be better to just take a break. The point is, my inertia with regards to the two unfinished scenes (however minor) is somewhat an excuse for not being able to say that I’ve “finished writing my story,” for I am far too conscious about it not being finished at all—not so much for the two scenes themselves but for the number of TKs, comments and highlighted text (“this-needs-attention”) that it contains. Yet again, I know that once I get to the revision phase I will change things, hopefully cut down some parts and most certainly add a few other scenes and texts. Right. Once I get to the revision phase. Which cannot be now, for I need to take a look at the story with fresh eyes.
Can I bring myself not to think of it? For a while? Why is the idea of it being somewhat unfinished getting me so… indecisive? Uncertain?
Ah.
My dilemma also touches on the nature of the break itself. I wonder: having stayed out of touch with the fandom for over a year, now, is this finally the time I dedicate myself to read other people’s stories? Is it too soon? (For now, probably, it is— it’s very difficult for me to accept other versions of certain stories and characters while I’m writing my own version, and clearly that is still haunting me vivaciously.)
Lately I’ve been feeling a certain amount of sadness for not being able to join in, participate, have fun with other people of the shipping fandom I’m writing for. It’s always that way: I feel too old, too “different” (and not in a good way); I feel that I am not welcome. Which is discouraging especially in times like this, with Twitter crumbling down while keeping at being exhausting, pitting fandom people one against another, rewarding loud, cumbersome personalities with very little thought and a huge need for attention. (Yeah, it’s a rant.)
I wish there was another way.
I wish I could avoid interrogating myself about the reception my story can get—being lengthy, weird, unsexy—, for my feelings of self-importance need to be kept at bay, and seriously, sincerely, it would be better if I could just be happy to share my vision with those fans who have sensibilities similar to mine. This is, after all, the point with fandom.
But then, should I really downplay all the work that I’ve put into this project, even when it clearly matters so much to me? Wouldn’t that be unfair to myself?
Yes, well, it would be unfair. I’m rather proud of how far I’ve come with this project, how dedicated I’ve been at researching and writing consistently over the course of a whole year. It’s a great accomplishment and I am happy about it—at least up until I don’t get crushed by self-doubts.
Let’s move on; there’s not so much time for that. Because yep, I have other things to do, not even counting IRL stuff:
I have another writing project lined up, with work to be done this month for the end of August. (No fandom — not exactly).
Even so, I also want to join some writing challenge, for something more constrained in length maybe—drabble or flash fic, even a one-time thing—something to entertain me and distract me and keep me in good shape. If you have recommendation please do tell!
I also have a lot of sewing stuff to do or that I want to do.
Let’s also see if building a personal website is an option. I still want a presence online, but I need to decide on its form.
All of this: focus on fandom or not? Undecided.
This fall the last episode ever for Attack on Titan will air and only then we’ll start to understand where the fandom is going to go.
In the meantime, there are other things to care about.
Thanks for reading this mainly-a-rant post. I really wanted to write here again, but I needed to get this out first—the rest of the summer starts now, and it’s going to be exciting.
Other media things:
- First season of Oshi no ko (anime): absolutely beautiful. The manga is also very good, although lately I feel a bit torn about some points (and no, mostly pacing and emotional stuff, not the potential for a “forbidden love” to happen — I trust these kind of situations to be handled with a certain degree of awareness and detachment too.
- Loving Yamada-kun at Lv999: did not expect to catch a new anime shojo and to enjoy it that much — to the point of spending a night reading the manga? Incredible.
- Skip to loafer (anime and manga): absolutely beautiful and so great at depicting very normal emotions. Favorite character: Egashira Mika.
- Heavenly delusion (anime): very good, but getting to the end of the first season I already see the crack in its sci-fi construction (no pun intended) and of its mood. I’m not sure I want to switch to the manga.
- I really liked Yellowjackets season 2. The only tv show that I watch with true engagement and whose suspense works on me.
- Currently reading: Companion piece by Ali Smith. Well it’s an Ali Smith book, so that’s always a good thing.
See you in the next update!
no subject
We watched a lot of the same anime! Yamada-kun and Skip to Loafer were amazing!!!
no subject
Yes for Skip to loafer and Yamada-kun! I’m now a manga reader for both 😅 problem is, last season was spectacular and it doesn’t look like this season will be as good (JJK not for me sadly). What will you be watching? For now I’ve just started My happy marriage.
no subject
I am a manga reader for Skip to Loafer too and I didn't expect to like Yamada-kun this much but the anime really wrapped up nicely! I'll have to start reading it too! I'm a manga reader for My Happy Marriage (sometimes it's posted under the name My Blissful Marriage) but the scanlation team hasn't updated in years so I'm ELATED that this anime is airing so hopefully someone will be interested and pick it up haha. The first episode was so nice!! I'm also interested in Sugar Apple Fairy Tale season 2 but haven't gotten around to it. I haven't seen that many other ones that are to my taste this season either but I'm really looking forward to The Apothecary Diaries, which I think is next season. I think I might pick up some others to multitask/pass the time and maybe hopefully be pleasantly surprised haha.
no subject
I can’t get myself to post while I write — too many things I decide on only at the end! But for what’s already there, I’m![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
aquietjune. Mostly ship-ful character studies.
I must check out Sugar Apple Fairy Tale, I like the visuals whenever I see it; the Apothecary Diaries I know nothing about (as well) but at least it doesn’t sound like a battle shonen, right (she said, having just begun a reread of D.Gray-Man)? And My Happy Marriage episode 1 was good and I too hope it will get traction (despite it being on Netflix), but for the rest I hope that not having many new anime to watch will mean that I’ll get to finish Monster and continue on something else (Vinland saga, if I find the courage…). We’ll see….
no subject
I haven't read much fanfic either. But honestly, poking around Twitter...has not given me a good impression on the fanfic being produced rn, so I think you're dodging a bullet. I'm mostly reading books though and that's really coloured my view on the types of writing I want to see.
Yeah, I get like this too. I don't like to advertise myself (IDK, it feels weird to me? I don't like bringing too much attention to myself LOL) and would rather a fic gain traction organically. IDK if it's very conducive though (to me). Drop a link to your AO3, I'm pretty open to any Armin pairing under the sun.
I ended up watching Sugar Apple Fairy Tale and Golden Kamuy from the last cour--also kinda late to the party but How Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke's Mansion. I started watching Laid Back Camp too. I haven't quite caught up with To Your Eternity and Vinland Saga. I'm definitely not watching S3 Vinland *manga reader*.
As for this cour I'm currently looking at the second season of Sugar Apple Fairy Tale, Link Click. IDK when Apothecary Diaries (and Heaven Official's Blessing) is supposed to start but I'm anxiously awaiting it. I meant to check out Oshi no Ko, but I haven't the time rn, or the money.
I usually try and spend on 1 streaming service per month and that went to HBO Max. Still trying to finish Westworld and His Dark Materials. Might also check out Succession and Last of Us while I'm at it. Oh, I also wanted to check out My Happy Marriage but it's on Netflix 😑
no subject
I’m mostly a book reader too, and also very selective in terms of style and content, so, given it's already difficult to find books to read, imagine fan fic. In general, however, in fan fic I look for something slightly different most of the time: while I’ve found some that have been competently written, I'm there for characters and context within the original story. If that's there I will overlook "bad writing". Unfortunately, I have very set ideas of what can credibly happen; given that I’m writing a lot of post-canon stories I've done a lot of research, I've reread panels ad infinitum, etc., so yes, I'm a pain in the ass, and very little things can make me abandon an otherwise good story. It is what it is.
To be fair, Twitter is pure hell, and a lot of authors still write good stories despite their relationships with the bird site. On the other hand, the bird site itself spurs plenty of terrible views on plot and characters that are then taken as dogma by the fandom; and that's bad for everyone... ;__;
Yeah, that's the other thing for me. I try to be ironic and all while calling attention to my own fiction because that's the way but ugh, hit and misses, and a lot of awkwardness. -__- also, I always fear to appear... well, clingy, cringey, attention-seeking, or something. Ughh!! (I'm![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
aquietjune but mind, I mostly do quiet, dialogues and small actions-filled shippy character pieces, very hopelessly aruani among others... It's a mood.)
That reminds me! I ended up reading the webtoon for that. How did you like it in the end?
Can you tell me a way to find the courage to continue watching Vinland saga? I know it's good, I've seen it in the first few episodes, but aaaa it's gut-wrenching and I don't know how much I can take it.
That's a great idea to contain the expenses for streaming services. I like that there is competition among streaming services, I think it's necessary, but yeah, well, it's not working very well for those who want to watch a lot of different things... I hope you'll get to catch up with Oshi no ko and other desiderata soon, though.
no subject
Yeah I tend to be picky about characterization too. If I find something that kinda urks me on the characterization, I just backbutton but it's been ages since I've read any fanfic.
Yeah that's true, people are decent enough. I guess, what I was mostly getting at, was being burned out on the fluffy rom-com fics. I feel there's been a rise on it since, well, purity culture. Some tropes I actively dislike though, like soul mates and that weird tattoo parlour-flower shop thing. God I hated that so much.
Ahaha, I tend not to write on postcanon (AUs mostly), unfortunately. I'm not sure why, I liked the ending enough that I don't feel the need to add anything to it. But there's been a lot of fic I skimmed and enjoyed postcanon.
I do tend to write pairing pieces that are introspective because, one of the things I liked in SnK, was how each character has this trait to self-reflect. It's just a shame how underutilized it was. Another thing I enjoyed is how composed they are when something happens, like they know they have ever right to be upset that someone died in front of them but they have to keep pushing on. Then when they have a moment, do they realize all the fucked up stuff they saw.
I get really awkward when advertising my stuff. I do tend not to tag fics sometimes (and one person said I was hiding fics LOL) because for me, some are very personal, that I don't want anyone else reading. But mostly I feel weird about it, just self-conscious. I helped with a ship week(graphics) and didn't even bother giving them my Twitter to advertise myself, I just didn't like people flooding my profile.
I think I read one of your fics before! I randomly stumbled on it and I remember thinking, 'This Jean is so in character LOL.'
I actually only watch the anime ^^ sorry. I'm up to episode six? Read ahead though it's a pretty wild isekai.
Mmph so I'm a manga reader and only ended up watching eps that interested me. Eventually I plan on watching from season 1 onwards. I will say that Vinland--as you progress Vinland starts getting less and less intense and more slice of life travelling. I think, season 1 was intense with the fighting and whatnot but if you take it like a Historical Epic, I feel like it makes it a little easier? If that makes sense. But season 2, the violence and intensity winds down to a halt and there's only a couple of instances in that season where it gets intense. Season 3 will probably be the transition period, it'll be intense but it adds in humor and it's the last I think we see of any kind of intense, violent scenes. But in season 3 they add in females to the group....and NGL, I'm not a fan of either. I think you might be okay with them (everyone seems to be happy with them) but my warning is that if you dislike loud characters, one of them might not be for you. TBH, alot of the tropes he pulls for the female characters remind me of the DBZ archetypes, which is fair, considering the mangaka is about that age but it irks me a lot.
I'll try and get to it soon (still trying to finish Breaking Bad...). NGL, worried about the spoilers I'm hearing of the latest chapter. I hope he doesn't go there...there are way too many stories that ended up with (spoilers)untagged/surprise incest. And honestly I hate surprise incest, like A LOT(spoilers). Yeah I'm hoping to watch Insomniacs After School.
no subject
Yeah, those are all not my cup of tea, and the tattoo parlor-flower shop thing I still don't really get. I understand that even if I've been part of fandom for a long time, I don't speak tropes in the way fandom expects me to, and while I know for certain that my stories go in trope territory a lot, I just cannot recognize it lol.
I think that is fine. I enjoyed the ending especially as it left a lot of core character conflicts unresolved or unexplored, or rather, I enjoy writing about consequences and how healing is not a linear process. AUs I sometimes read and am somewhat curious to try writing at some point, but my choice for settings is always... not fandom-compatible? ("This should be set in a private boarding school in Switzerland before 2001's G8", "I would like to set this during the years of red/black terrorism in the 1970s"... mmm)
Ah, yes, absolutely. What I like about AoT wrt other shonen series is that it has very dramatic, emotional, raw characters living inside a rather rigid society and who have gone through very tough, realistic military training. This means that even if they're kids they won't behave like your generic YA characters when dealing with a crisis. On the other end, it's quite interesting (for me) to explore how they deal with being able to express human emotions afterwards.
I understand how you feel, although, on the contrary, I want to do my best to make people find my stories, I want to entertain, I want feedback!, but the whole charade of advertising is stressing and depressing at points. It really falls into the same traps of content creation and virality on social media... without even being able to monetize it! (And this hobby I like because I can do it without ever thinking "I should monetize this." I'm free to just enjoy my hobby.)
Thank you <3
Oh no, I meant "how did you like it in the end" meaning the end of the anime season. I won't say anything about the webtoon; I liked the anime while I was watching, however.
Thank you so much for the breakdown on Vinland Saga, that's very reassuring and I'll think about starting again once I'm done with Monster.
I can try to reassure you about Oshi no ko: while I don't know what the authors are doing, I don't think it's going to go there; I only think that given the setup, the authors had to address the elephant in the room before rather than later, and wanted to troll the readers, too. Both the writer and the mangaka of this series imho have a very deep understanding of psychology and dysfunctional relationships, so while the manga surely will offer more highly dysfunctional stuff (while it's a very colorful series it still talks about the exploration of youth by the entertainment industry), also in personal relationships, it will never do that uncritically.